Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
