i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
