Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
