worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
