And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
