we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We're too hungover to prance.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
