You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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