I hate your face
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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