Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
