...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
