Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
