Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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