; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Randomize
