Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
