enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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