I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
