There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
