Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Randomize
