Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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