i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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