Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
