he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
