Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Still dying that you shit outside
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Randomize
