I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Randomize
