ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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