All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
