Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
