ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
