If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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