All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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