What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
