if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
