I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The struggles of a small town man whore
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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