There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
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