so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
