I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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