Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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