she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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