I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
