It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
The beer is more important than you right now.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
