Kareoke will never be a sober sport
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
