where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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