Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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