Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
