glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
