btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
