Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
