96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
