i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
