A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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