dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
