I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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