can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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